I am so happy that you finally took that plunge, that big leap from corporate life to home life. I know a part of you still refuse to accept this decision and you still hope that one of these days you can go back to that more structured way of life and leave your kids to the care of someone you think is caring and competent.
You were educated to be a career woman not a stay home mom.
You are still a bit lost on how to move forward without that thousand of dollars you get regularly at the end of the month. You can’t seem to understand why your children are starting to get into your nerves quite easily. You are getting overwhelmed with the household chores and the noise level of your house. You long to have those adult interaction you were so used to have with your girl friends. You barely find time to yourself since the time you woke up. You want to buy something but simply can’t afford it now. You become critical of your husband since he doesn’t help as much as you want him to and for taking on the “easier” job. You don’t enjoy being home bound.
I felt exactly the same way.
Until I stopped thinking of myself. Instead, I put the focus on my young children who desperately long for their mother’s love and my husband who boldly stepped up to be the sole bread winner.
You are irreplaceable and indispensable to your young kids. You are their world. They are happiest with you and when they see you happy. By staying at home, you are telling them that they are worth more than anything else in the world. This will have long term repercussion on how they will perceive love, life and family. They will learn to venerate motherhood because you will show them how.
Always remember that for your children, love = time.
You are teaching them to love.
It will be hardest initially. It will become worse before it becomes better. You will have to let go of a life you have gotten so used to – financial freedom, mental stimulation, career progression, peer appreciation, etc. The decision to stay at home to care for your own kids will be something you have to renew everyday. No mother finds it easy to be at home but it is imperative. I think you’ve realized this that is why you’ve decided to be give up such a brilliant career albeit with certain understandable apprehension.
Now is the best time to live with a greater sense of faith. How can God intervene if you don’t let Him to? Surrender your financial worries to Him. Surrender your lack of housekeeping skills to Him. Surrender your pride to Him. Surrender all your worries, insecurities and fear to Him. All He wants is you ask Him humbly to help you. If need be at every moment of your day.
Find comfort in His love. Find strength in prayer and in the sacraments.
Love your husband more. Respect and trust his decision. He has the grace of state. Be always united to him. Remember Matthew 19:4-6.
Gradually, you will find home life rewarding, fulfilling. Noble. Seeing your children grow in virtues will be such a sweet compensation. Depending on your husband to provide for your family while your husband depends on you to nurture your children will deepen and sweeten your marriage. Both of you will have the peace of mind of parents who know that the children are in the best of loving care. You will learn to adapt to everything – financial, care of the home, educating your children. Life will will simpler. Grace will overflow.
Of course you will lose your temper, you will lose yourself. Who doesn’t? It’s natural. But get yourself together as soon as possible. Start again. Your children will learn more from you if they see you struggle from your own defects. Confession heals.
Then you will find happiness and contentment which have eluded you all these years while working in the office. Your joy will abound. You will discover that motherhood is blessed and beautiful. It is a life filled with self-giving but it will bring you ever closer to your husband, your children and to God.
You are finally living your purpose in life.
Never forget, your love will be repaid with love.
There is no other way.